This is quite hard for me to admit and not something I am proud of saying but sometimes I just don’t want to be mum. Now please don’t take this the wrong way, I am completely and overwhelmingly grateful to have Ailsa. I wouldn’t change her or the past few years for anything and I know how incredibly lucky I am to have a healthy and happy child something that I know isn’t afforded to everyone. Just sometimes I wish I could break away from being mum just for a little bit.
I often find myself completely out of my depth, parenting is certainly not easy and neither are the choices that you need to make on a daily basis but sometimes it can get a bit much. I find myself losing my patience when Ailsa wants my attention and all I want is to drink a cup of tea and have a rest and not have to head into the kitchen for the millionth time whilst Ailsa tries to decide what she wants from there. I have to quite often justify my parenting choices, even though I know that I am doing what is right for Ailsa and us as a family. Sometimes though I just need a break!
Being a mum to a toddler is exhausting, just as much as having a baby but in slightly different way. I am fed up of having to explain my parenting choices and fed up of dealing with toddler tantrums. I know though that these days will pass. Ailsa will grow and I will long for her toddlerhood days to come back just as much as I do her baby days. I am very lucky in the fact that James is home much more at the moment, allowing me to head into the office and work on my business which does give me a break from motherhood but I am so caught up in other stuff I forget that I need to be me sometimes too. Which is a big reason I have started to make myself a priority.
I know I can’t be the only parent who feels this way and parenthood can be at times testing. Although sometimes I want a break ( which I am sure most people do) I wouldn’t change anything. It is a learning curve, an adventure and the best time of my life sometimes I just want to get off the ride just for a little bit till I can work up the courage to hop back on again so I can be the best parent I can be.