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Sometimes I Don’t Want to be Mum

This is quite hard for me to admit and not something I am proud of saying but sometimes I just don’t want to be mum. Now please don’t take this the wrong way, I am completely and overwhelmingly grateful to have Ailsa. I wouldn’t change her or the past few years for anything and I know how incredibly lucky I am to have a healthy and happy child something that I know isn’t afforded to everyone. Just sometimes I wish I could break away from being mum just for a little bit.

I often find myself completely out of my depth, parenting is certainly not easy and neither are the choices that you need to make on a daily basis but sometimes it can get a bit much. I find myself losing my patience when Ailsa wants my attention and all I want is to drink a cup of tea and have a rest and not have to head into the kitchen for the millionth time whilst Ailsa tries to decide what she wants from there. I have to quite often justify my parenting choices, even though I know that I am doing what is right for Ailsa and us as a family. Sometimes though I just need a break!

Being aย mum to a toddler is exhausting, just as much as having a baby but in slightly different way. I am fed up of having to explain my parenting choices and fed up of dealing with toddler tantrums. I know though that these days will pass. Ailsa will grow and I will long for her toddlerhood days to come back just as much as I do her baby days. I am very lucky in the fact that James is home much more at the moment, allowing me to head into the office and work on my business which does give me a break from motherhood but I am so caught up in other stuff I forget that I need to be me sometimes too. Which is a big reason I have started to make myself a priority.

I know I can’t be the only parent who feels this way and parenthood can be at times testing. Although sometimes I want a break ( which I am sure most people do) I wouldn’t change anything. It is a learning curve, an adventure and the best time of my life sometimes I just want to get off the ride just for aย little bit till I can work up the courage to hop back on again so I can be the best parent I can be.

 

1 thought on “Sometimes I Don’t Want to be Mum

  1. Let me tell you now you are not the only one who feels this way!!
    I love my girls more than anything and realise how lucky I am to have them but I don’t want to be only known as Ava and Grace’s mummy.
    I am fortunate that I work 4 days a week although would love to reduce this to 3 and because of this I get to spend time in an adult environment and not have someone asking what are we doing now or she hit me!!!
    Even with this I need some alone time a time to charge my batteries doing something that I want to do (although these days I just want to sleep) I think it’s really important to have a good balance of it all. Although some people make you feel guilty for your choices they are YOUR choices and its your life and you need to find what is right and works for you. As for your comment on having to justify or explain your choices as a parent well all I can say is there is no guide book or manual to parenting. Most of these advice givers or those that judge you have already had their time raising their own children THEIR own way and need to learn to give advice when it’s asked for and although it’s maybe not what they did or would do they are not the parent and its not their place to say or do anything!!!
    Life is a one way ticket and you cannot hit the reset button so enjoy everything while you can and don’t worry if your choice or opinion offends someone they aren’t worried about offending you when they say or do it on the first place. We are all different and have different needs otherwise the world would be a boring place…..enjoy your position now it will change again all to soon xx

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