Feeling Like a Failure

Feeling Like a Failure

Since we moved back home to Scotland I have been failing a bit of a failure as a mother. Yes, Ailsa is well cared for and is happy but I just feel things could be going so much better. There have been so many changes for us over the last 3 months and so much for us to deal with that I just think doing things for Ailsa such as days out, going to soft play etc have been put on the back burner and I worry so much that she is missing out.

With me starting my own business and being out at my office most days through the week (Which I feel guilty as hell about as it is) I don’t take her to any toddler groups anymore. I had such a great group of friends down south and we would go to the baby and toddler groups together and I miss that. I miss having friends who could pop by with their little ones for a coffee and the playdates. Up here, there aren’t many groups in the area and Ailsa hasn’t been keen on the one we have taken her to a few times that I feel bad for taking her back yet I feel bad for her not being around other little ones at all now.

Is it necessary for our children to be around other kids all the time? I’m not sure but I do feel for Ailsa that she has no other little friends to play with at the moment. We will be putting Ailsa into nursery a couple of mornings a week once James starts working but until then I need to make more effort to take Ailsa out to groups and soft play etc.

We have had a tough couple of weeks with the death of my Grandad and my head really just hasn’t been in the best place to take Ailsa out and about these last couple of weeks.She has watched far too much TV and been on her tablet far too much for my liking but there are times when I really just can’t bring myself to go out and put a brave face on for the world. Though I realise I do need to put on a brave face for Ailsa, I also need to create a great life for her and make sure we spend quality time together as well as allowing her to socialise with other kids her age.

So with that in mind, I need to stop the mum guilt and just get one with things. I am determined to get Ailsa out and about again like we used to at least a couple of times a week. I need to let her make friends and I need to make some new mum friends myself.

Thanks for reading my ramblings!

3 Comments

  1. June 12, 2017 / 7:54 am

    You are not a failure at all lovely! We all have times when it’s harder for us to be the patent we want to be. You’ll come out the other side of this xxx

  2. Mari
    June 12, 2017 / 6:18 pm

    I agree that you need to “quit the mum guilt”. Between moving, losing your grandfather and starting a new business–wow, lots to deal with! The good news is that you are in one of the most glorious places in the world for summer weather–Scotland!!! To me, fresh air is tonic. Good luck finding a new social group. It takes some time. In the US there is a group called Stroller Strides–mothers meet in parks and do athletic workouts while pushing their babies/toddlers in strollers. Then all the kids play together. Anything like that in Scotland? If not, might be a cool business for you to start!

  3. John binnie
    July 5, 2017 / 11:46 am

    I’ve been there too, but sometimes you have put yourself first so you can be better further down the line.
    You needed time to grieve for your grandad and time to settle in, after your move.
    It seems like maybe you have done that now, and are ready to focus on the needs of the little one again.
    Best wishes.

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